I shouted into the large steel building without hearing anything back. The door was half-open, but I decided to take a closer look. I went inside. My footsteps echoed as I walked around. “What is this place?” I thought, but since it was clearly abandoned, I may never know.

Suddenly, I felt a cold breeze. It was like no wind I’ve felt before. This felt…eerie. Too eerie. I felt the wind against my neck and got goosebumps almost immediately after. Something’s not right; I had to get out of here and fast. I ran to the door only to find that it was shut. As I tried to open the door and make my escape, the wind stopped blowing. But yet I was still alone in this place.

What the hell did I get myself into?

So I started my research. I’d like to point out that I’m anti diet-pills, so the irony of me having to do this is just uncanny. Soon enough, I was finished and submitted my column. It was ready for press and I sighed relief.

A week later, when the magazine’s new issue came out, my boss got a lot of phone calls and mail. She called me into her office to talk about something.

I panicked. What the hell did I do? Apparently, so many people were outraged about the article. Most of them being from diet pill companies. Oops…

Anyways, I have a story to tell. A story that proves nothing more than to just be nice, because you will never know when it’ll come to bite you.

I had a friend a long time ago who…well, wasn’t a very good friend from the get go. She went off and did stuff, then pointed the finger elsewhere so that she can get off without punishment. She did this for 20 years. And got away with it. Until recently.

Have you ever heard of the saying “you may mess with the wrong person one day”? Well, that was the case here. She went off to rob a bank, then she, like normal, just blamed it on someone else. Well, this someone else turned out to be part of a crime mob. And well, when this person found out that she was being blamed by this nobody for this huge bank robbery, she wasn’t at all pleased.

She couldn’t believe that her sister would do something like that. So what did her dear sister do? She told her mob, and the mob didn’t kill her. Nah, that’d be too easy. They dug up as much dirt as they could on her, including the bank robbery. Can you say that she got her upcomings? She not only got thrown in prison, but she got lots of hate mail in prison from all of those who she blamed.

Including me. Nah, she didn’t blame me for anything, but hey, if you can’t beat them, join them.

Do fat burners work?

She worked hard for 15 hours straight, only getting up for a shower and some food. After a rough draft, a first draft, a second draft, a “why the hell do I need to do this” draft, and finally the final draft, her essay was done.

A week later, she gets her essay back, and was gazing in awe at the big red “A” on it. This is what the essay said.

Do Fat Burners Work?

They only work if the one doing the fat burning uses their finger. Slow and steady wins the race, ladies!

This weight loss supplement will melt away all the fat the moment you take it! Lose 10 pounds in 10 seconds!

After it finished, it was ingrained in his mind that this is what he needed so that he can look good for his date in a few days. So after he ordered it and got it shipped to him within 2 days, he started taking the pill.

But something wasn’t right. He wasn’t losing weight. In fact, he was gaining, and gaining fast. By the day of his date, he’d gain 50 pounds and literally had nothing to wear. He was freaked out indeed, but nothing else freaked him out more than his other side effects.

He started growing boobs.

His facial hair got even thicker.

Then the biggest one of all…

Anal leakage.

How in the world could he explain this to his date?!!

To be continued…