This was pretty interesting, I just had to share it.

CFNUPress-NEW YORK

A company that has the self-proclaimed best diet pill is under fire this week for false advertisement and 10 lawsuits have been filed.

The company that created FatDisappear!, a diet pill that promises “a 50% loss in body weight within 24 hours, or your money back”, is accused of backing out of the money back guarantee, which is granted if the user does not lose half their body weight within 24 hours of using it. The 10 lawsuits had a common complaint–they didn’t lose a pound. One plaintiff called the drug “nothing more but water in pill form”, and another went as far as to send FatDisappear!’s company a hate letter full of expletives.

“We are willing to settle this out of court”, the President of Fraudu Pharmacuticals responded. “We are sorry that it didn’t work for you, but there is no need for the expletives.”

A husband and wife thought that would be a good idea to start off the new year by looking into home gyms. They worked a lot, so getting a gym membership was out of the question, even though they can afford it. They found a couple of stuff, but they had different views. And things got very ugly.

Husband: Come on, honey! I like this machine! It has everything for the both of us!
Wife: But it’s too expensive! We’re hardly home to use it anyway!
Husband: Oh, we can afford it!
Wife: Doesn’t mean we should blow it all on stuff like this!
Husband: Wait…aren’t you the one who wanted to do this?
Wife: Yes, but–
Husband: Aren’t you the one who complained about her butt getting too big?
Wife:…Excuse me?
Husband: You said it yourself; “ahhh! I need to lose this butt!” Then I said, “you’re right; the sun is envying your right now.”
Wife: Are you freaking kidding me? You have jokes about my butt?!
Husband: You asked for it.
Wife: Okay, you wanna have jokes? Well, you know, your gut appears that you have swallowed a couple of bowling balls. I’m just saying.
Husband: Ohh…(laughs) Ohh, talking about my gut, eh? So, what whale are you?
Wife: What?!
Husband: You heard me! You beached whale!
Wife: You dinosaur! The only reason why I married you is because I was broke!
Husband: I’m getting too old for this! I’m gonna be 85 years old in a few weeks! I shouldn’t be messing around with someone your age, but I loved you!
Wife: Then maybe I should leave!
Husband: Go, you stupid golddigger!
Wife: (huffs) Hmph!

As she slammed the door behind her, her husband ended up buying the gym equipment he wanted, then called a divorce lawyer. He left her with nothing; not even a dumbbell. However, he left her a post-it that said “Hopefully that dude you were cheating on me with can afford you. Bye, Whale.”

I went to a great restaurant with my girlfriend a few weeks ago. We hadn’t seen each other in a while, and she was getting impatient. So I reserved a couple of seats at Cafe de Flore, where the plates are about $50 a head. And that’s for a child’s plate.

It was time for us to order, so our waiter came to the table. Our waiter was a young one, no more than maybe 21, and he looked like he was either drunk, high, or sleep deprived. Needless to say, he was not up to Cafe de Flore’s par, but they must have been short staffed today. “Are you ready to order?”, he said lifelessly.

“Sir, what is your wine of the month?” My girlfriend looked up at his brown bloodshot eyes. He smiled slightly.

“I hate this job. I’m on my feet for 10 hours a day, handling hot food for snooty a-holes.” He pointed to an older lady in the corner across the room. “You see that lady? She’s been here all freaking day, just sending food back every moment and writing it down.” Then he pointed to a couple with a baby. “You see them? Their baby has not stopped crying ever since they got here. I wish they’d shove a biscuit down that child’s throat! I hate my job! I hate it!”

My girlfriend just stared at him. She couldn’t say a word. But I knew what she was thinking. “Sir, we said wine of the month. Not whine of the month.”

The older lady in the corner smiled and wrote something down in her book.

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Anyway, yo, check this out. If you’ve been in a car accident, slip and fall and bust yo’ [bleep] or even broke your foot stepping on some uneven ground that your super in the projects “forgot” to fix, you have a case with Shaquanita. So call now! 1-800-Q-U-A-N-I-T-A. That’s 1-800-Q-U-A-N-I-T-A! If you don’t win [bleep], I’ll beat it out the fool! Call now!

(Note to self–seriously get cracking on that play!)