A few nights ago, I had a weird dream. Well, weird, but nice. I had a dream that I was pregnant. Yes, weird indeed, although given the events of what happened dating back a month, it’s no surprise that I have one of those dreams.

Now before your mouth drops and drool comes from it–I am not pregnant. Not yet anyway. It’ll be a long time before that happens, although if it did happen, the initial freakout would be well worth the end result. Anyway, I had to look up what it meant to have a pregnancy dream when you’re clearly not expecting.

To dream that you are pregnant, symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it. Being pregnant in your dream may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal.

-From Dreammoods.com

Well, shit. Now I should point out the one quote there that says “You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it”. That just sums up what’s been going on with me for the past year. Am I ready to talk about this thing that’s been bugging me? Not really. But since I don’t want to keep you all in the dark, I will say this much.

It would be for the sake of my sanity; the possible cure for this depression. There’s a point where therapy and pills isn’t enough, and maybe, just maybe, all I need is to be uprooted. Uprooted away from here. But unfortunately, it’s not able to happen as quickly as I (and my fiance) would like it to happen. So without driving myself up a fucking wall, I really need to know how to approach it, without compromising my own happiness, and without hurting someone else.

Hm, this sounds like a fucked-up version of one of my plays I wrote. Which I don’t think I typed the synopsis for on here yet. I’ll get to it, I swear.

But yeah, that’s where I stand. Now I’m gonna go crawl into a hole.

I was supposed to do this last week, but I wasn’t 100% sure how to make it interesting. I still don’t know how, but I’m just gonna let go and let it flow. So sorry in advance that it’s as interesting as talking about metal buildings. But I’ll keep my sarcastic twist…hopefully. Well, here goes nothing. I hope you enjoy it at least a little bit.

1. The Job Fiasco: If something sounds too good to be true…check the Better Business Bureau.
   Just a year ago, I snagged a job as a receptionist/dispatcher in a locksmith business. I should have gotten out on the first day, but I lasted two weeks. Then the intuition kicked in, and the intuition was right. I checked out the business on the internet after noticing a few shady things, and it was on several sites…and not in a good way either. Now I had a dilemma–stay, or go before the cops caught on. I left, and never looked back.
   Note: These were protected posts; for the purpose of this post, and for the simple fact that I ain’t scared of being canned by these people since I’m not there anymore, they are here to read. Have fun.

There’s more. Because I don’t know how to shut up at times.
This turned out to be a lot longer than I expected. But well…I have lots of lost time to make up. Thanks for putting up with my crazy ass for so long.


Tags: birthday, job, love, mother nature, RHSF, year in review

They’re not lying. Depression is a serious appetite suppressant.

It’s weird. Some days I’m fine, then there are others where I know I’m not okay, but I hide it very well from almost¹ everyone. On those days, people will ask “what’s wrong?” and I’ll say “nothing”. Deep down though, I’d like to just break down.

Then there’s the appetite suppressing I’m talking about. Doesn’t happen often, but sometimes I would have no appetite. Then another time, I have absolutely insatiable hunger, where it’s like no matter how much I eat I am not satisfied. That annoys the hell out of me.

So…I’m okay…not really, but I’ll be all right. I hope you guys are all right too.

Ouch.

So, I live. Yes. I’m still alive, barely. Some may think that I’ve disappeared with no trace. I’m still alive. I like to call it an interest shift. I’m not into message boards anymore, so that part of contact by others was pretty much stopped.

I’m sorry.

So for those who I haven’t opened up to (much) as of late, this is what’s been going on…in as little words as possible.

Still resume plugwhoring
Still failing miserably
Still can’t cook to save my life
Still thinking about a new idea for a play or novel
Still trying to finish the projects I already started
Still playing PW…
Escorian and Mentis–stop fighting over me, kthx
Leveled to 92
Never saw that coming…
And despite what it may seem…

I still love you, Angel and Lou. I’m sorry that I’ve been (seemingly) neglecting yall. Sometimes I would be caught up in something and I don’t notice my surroundings. It’s probably why I almost got hit by a car a few times. But seriously, old and new friends, you are always on my mind.

So yes, I’m still alive.