Eesh, so like I was supposed to do this a few days ago, but I got caught up with the holiday craziness and literally burned myself out. I’m okay now though.

So round one of the holidays was nice. Good food, some time with the folks, a pimped-out home (very early this time around)…yeah, all was good with the world.

But, I’m still not looking forward to round two. In fact, I might have to get wrinkle cream for all the stress I can sense. This is the time when seasonal depression decides to kick in. It’s much worse than the other few months (longer days and the like), and if you’ve known me long enough, you know that it can get pretty bad without it being winter.

This is the time where it’s hardest to keep sane.

But it’s not all bad. I mean, there’s good food, hanging with family, yelling at family (jokingly 95% of the time of course), and of course presents. In order for me to enjoy it all though, I’m gonna need a tall glass of vodka and Pepsi.

Or some chocolate.

They’re not lying. Depression is a serious appetite suppressant.

It’s weird. Some days I’m fine, then there are others where I know I’m not okay, but I hide it very well from almost¹ everyone. On those days, people will ask “what’s wrong?” and I’ll say “nothing”. Deep down though, I’d like to just break down.

Then there’s the appetite suppressing I’m talking about. Doesn’t happen often, but sometimes I would have no appetite. Then another time, I have absolutely insatiable hunger, where it’s like no matter how much I eat I am not satisfied. That annoys the hell out of me.

So…I’m okay…not really, but I’ll be all right. I hope you guys are all right too.

Why, you ask? I feel like shitoka, that’s why. I’m frustrated. I’m lonely. I’m stressed. I have the world’s biggest headache because of it all. It also didn’t help to see that I have friends happy in relationships and I’m always gazing out the window wishing. Think missing puzzle piece. And it’s getting to me. Granted, at least I can talk to the writer now. But this is one of them days where I feel like if I disappeared one day, no one would notice, especially the opposite sex.

Please excuse the morbidness of this entry. I don’t mean it to be. I can only hope that it’s better tomorrow. I want a hug though. I just need to be held now.

…And there’s no one around to do it.

Ugh, I hate that word. But it had to be done.

The site will be open, but there won’t be any more blog updates until maybe right before Christmas. So that’s about a week and a half.

Why, dare you ask? In the last entry, I said I was pretty miserable, and while it got a little better, I’m still not there yet. When I’m depressed, I tend to take on more projects. So I have a new web project in the works. By the way, I haven’t finished with the layout revamping here, and I have hacks and themes to add on P739. But yet…I add another project to the belt, and those two jobs in itself is overwhelming. When I get overwhelmed, I get depressed. I get depressed, I drown out with web projects. It’s a vicious circle, and the only way to break it is to eliminate at least one thing. Sadly, that means I have to eliminate the blogging for awhile until I get caught up, or feel well enough to handle it all.

Please keep in mind that I have no intention of closing this site. It’s sticking around for awhile. But for now, I gotta knock some of it down before I mentally break down–and that is the last thing I need right about now.

Just a couple more things before I leave you. Maybe some people may know about this guy. A small recap: I like him, but my mind is too clouded with dirty thoughts to say shit to him. Two words–he knows. Now I give myself a mental note–never say the phrase “I dare you” around my friends, whether or not I mean it. They will do it.

And some plugwhorage too–if you’re 16 and over, then you’re good to join P739, which I decided to lower the age to 16 to (with a few restrictions). Also, I would pay you $1,000 in Monopoly money to join Ecstasy. Love you guys! See you in a few.