An older woman and her son, Shane, went to a car shop that sold Ferrari parts for a lot cheaper than they usually go for. She was retired, and had everything she wanted (and needed), but she wanted to get a new engine in fear that her 1-year-old existing one will die on her. After hours and hours of arguing with Shane who thinks that she’s just being paranoid, she got a new engine to replace her relatively new one.

Two hours passed and her car was ready and just in time too, since she was hungry. She got ready to start her car…

Only to find out that it wouldn’t start. “What the hell?!” She exclaimed. “What did you do to my car?!” She tried to start it again. It wouldn’t start. Now she’s really annoyed. She grabs Shane and shakes him. “What did they do to my car?!!”

“I don’t know, it was working before!”

“They’re gonna fix this right now before I call my lawyer!”

She gets on the phone and began to call her lawyer, until she heard her car start up. She gazed in amazement.

“What did you do, Shane?”

“You used the wrong key, Ma.”

She didn’t talk for the rest of the ride home.

Tags: impromptu shorty

The weird things you find on the internet…what are pond pumps? Apparently you use them for ponds? Okay, so I don’t know why you would pump a pond, unless it’s your own personal pond that you want to keep as clean as humanly possible, but what do I know? I live in NYC, any pond that’s around here is dirty as all hell. But what are some weird things you’ve heard of or seen?
Tags: questions

Andrew’s wife always complained about how she was getting old. She wasn’t even getting gray hair, and she had a few wrinkles, but nothing unbearable. However, she always made it her point of existence to gripe about it any time she could. He couldn’t take it anymore and went searching for the best wrinkle creams that the internet can offer. He found one that claimed to “erase wrinkles and make her skin as smooth as a baby’s bottom”. “Just what she needs!” Andrew says to himself, and ordered it to give his wife for her birthday.

Her birthday came a few weeks later, and Andrew gave her his present. Unlike some women, she actually accepted the gift, and he wasn’t in the dog house for it. She wanted to try it out as soon as she opened it, and promptly did so. Everything seemed fine, and she went to bed that night. She was hoping that this will help her get her wrinkles away in a few weeks.

Andrew woke up the next morning with his wife staring broadswords at him. She had tears streaming down her now even more wrinkled, red, and flaming face. “It burns!!” She cried. Andrew looked at the ingredients of the cream.

“Warning: May contain black pepper.”

She’s allergic to black pepper.

“Who the hell puts black pepper in wrinkle cream?!”

As it turns out, the cream was recalled for having the “wrong ingredients” in it, black pepper being one of them. However, instead of taking it off the shelves and fixing the problem, they threw a warning tag on it instead. They got a lawyer and won $500,000 for damages and pain and suffering.

She never complained about her wrinkles again.

Tags: impromptu shorty

So…I have an idea for those who want to lose belly fat without exercise. You wanna hear it? You sure you want to hear it? Okay, here it is. Slice it. That’s right, you slice your belly and all the fat will spew out of it like a roach’s insides. I can’t guarantee that you’ll live. I mean, I haven’t heard much from those who have tried it, but they can just be being modest. Okay, no, just playing. But, how do you work on your tummy? All non-traditional ideas are welcome.
Tags: questions, weight loss