Crestfallen.nu

Impromptu Shorty: Weight Loss Gone Wrong

A husband and wife thought that would be a good idea to start off the new year by looking into home gyms. They worked a lot, so getting a gym membership was out of the question, even though they can afford it. They found a couple of stuff, but they had different views. And things got very ugly.

Husband: Come on, honey! I like this machine! It has everything for the both of us!
Wife: But it’s too expensive! We’re hardly home to use it anyway!
Husband: Oh, we can afford it!
Wife: Doesn’t mean we should blow it all on stuff like this!
Husband: Wait…aren’t you the one who wanted to do this?
Wife: Yes, but–
Husband: Aren’t you the one who complained about her butt getting too big?
Wife:…Excuse me?
Husband: You said it yourself; “ahhh! I need to lose this butt!” Then I said, “you’re right; the sun is envying your right now.”
Wife: Are you freaking kidding me? You have jokes about my butt?!
Husband: You asked for it.
Wife: Okay, you wanna have jokes? Well, you know, your gut appears that you have swallowed a couple of bowling balls. I’m just saying.
Husband: Ohh…(laughs) Ohh, talking about my gut, eh? So, what whale are you?
Wife: What?!
Husband: You heard me! You beached whale!
Wife: You dinosaur! The only reason why I married you is because I was broke!
Husband: I’m getting too old for this! I’m gonna be 85 years old in a few weeks! I shouldn’t be messing around with someone your age, but I loved you!
Wife: Then maybe I should leave!
Husband: Go, you stupid golddigger!
Wife: (huffs) Hmph!

As she slammed the door behind her, her husband ended up buying the gym equipment he wanted, then called a divorce lawyer. He left her with nothing; not even a dumbbell. However, he left her a post-it that said “Hopefully that dude you were cheating on me with can afford you. Bye, Whale.”