If I were a lawyer in Seattle, this is what my commercial would sound like.

Hey, y’all! This is Shaquanita blowing up your tube! I’m a Seattle injury lawyer, and I’m here to fight for yo’ rights! Your man beat you up? Sue that [bleep]! Your wifey cheat on you? Sue that [bleep]! But I don’t deal with that, unless she beat yo’ [bleep] in the process. And if she did that, you know damn well what you done did to deserve that!

Anyway, yo, check this out. If you’ve been in a car accident, slip and fall and bust yo’ [bleep] or even broke your foot stepping on some uneven ground that your super in the projects “forgot” to fix, you have a case with Shaquanita. So call now! 1-800-Q-U-A-N-I-T-A. That’s 1-800-Q-U-A-N-I-T-A! If you don’t win [bleep], I’ll beat it out the fool! Call now!

(Note to self–seriously get cracking on that play!)