Summer’s way of effectively pissing Nat off.

“Overheard” Monday will not be seen this week. Now we bring you a special insomniac’s edition of “Summer’s Way of Effectively Pissing Nat Off”, brought to you by Tide.

So basically it’s like this. I have to get up in about two hours. But before I take a nap, I think I’m going to list the things that effectively pissed me off this summer. September already? Fuck me.

1. Mosquitoes. Why do they even exist? This summer, I have been bitten a total of 15 times. Not close to the 25-in-two-weeks record from 11 years ago, but that’s a lot. Hell, I’m still itching! What the deuce?!
2. If you’re going to call someone, and they answer the phone, you do not answer their “hello” with “who’s this?”
3. Summer radio sucked massive ass. I seriously miss this station. Smooth jazz for the win. Thank goodness for internet radio and Music Choice, or I would have torn my fucking hair out from hearing the same 10 songs on multiple stations 10 times a day.
4. Summer in New York was cold. Seriously, where the fuck was the heat? My mother wore a wool coat in July. Granted it was nighttime, but no one should wear anything that’s heavier than their skin.
5. I’m getting old.
6. I’ve officially come to the conclusion that my luck with the opposite sex is fucked unless I’m up for getting randomly fucked.
7. 8-year-olds shouldn’t know how to Google names. Thank goodness for the Lombardi cover, or I’d be really fucked.
8. Listen, I tried. It might not be up to your standards, but I tried. You call me lazy when I don’t do it, and when I do I get judged. Hmph, what’s less damaging to my confidence, trying and doing it my way (with the same results), and getting my head bitten off; or never doing it at all, and being called out on that? Hmm…
9. I need to move the fuck out of this neighborhood.
10. I also need to learn Mandarin or Cantonese in order to (seemingly) get a job in Queens.¹
11. Hey, hackers–go masturbate to XTube. Leave the innocent alone!
12. Hey, message board freeloaders–don’t join a board solely to advertise your own site and expect to not get banned.
13. Hey, ghetto ass neighbors–don’t make me hear your damn broken-down car with a shiny new stereo at 4:30am. Normal people are trying to sleep!²
14. Hi, “migraine”. Fuck off and die in a fire please.
15. Okay, I get it–I don’t have a lot of work experience. Nor do I have a college degree (yet). But I hate your logic, employers. One doesn’t get work experience without work, right?
16. And finally, I should not be up right now, but ya know what? Fuck that shit; sleep is for the weak.

Happy Labor Day.