“Overheard” Mondays #5

I was reading through the “Overheard” sites this weekend, and I found two that I could not help but to laugh my ass off on. I couldn’t decide which one to use. So I figured why not, for one week only, feature the both of them?

Or Was That Mustard?
from Overheard in New York

Lady: I’m lactose intolerant!
Waitress: Then why are you putting butter on your bread?
Lady: I didn’t know butter was dairy! I thought it came from eggs!

–Veselka, E 9th & 2nd Ave

Sweetie, up until recently, I didn’t know that butter was dairy either. Then, and only then did it make sense that I ran my ass to the bathroom after eating sauteed chicken and spaghetti…with butter. (Don’t worry, I don’t mess with that too much anymore.) Where did I think it came from? No fucking clue. But it didn’t dawn on me that butter=dairy product.

His Morning Wood Is a Bonsai
from Overheard in New York

Big Guido, yelling at female bystanders after minor traffic accident: Why don’t you shut the fuck up and get something to do… go suck a dick somewhere!
Woman bystander: Well, I’d suck you if you weren’t so small…

–55th & Madison

Ooh, size queens! Those are the worst ones to get into a traffic accident with. Oh, and don’t tell them to suck dick either–they’ll let everyone know that you’re a mini-me in the pants even though outside your pants you’re a big-me. Gawddamn.