The Pennydigger

A businessman on Wall Street was losing his millions quickly. Desperate, he turned to the one thing that he vowed to never turn to unless he was on his death bed, penny stocks. He goes to his stockbroker, and tells her about the proposal.

Businessman: Look, I have five kids to feed. My wife goes shopping and blows $10,000 on crap every day. I have a quota to fill, and I’m losing it all in one day it seems. I need to do this.
Stockbroker: Sir, I know that times are rough with the gas prices and everything going through the roof, but are you really this desperate?
Businessman: I have nothing to lose. Well, nothing more anyway.
Stockbroker: I can think of ways you can avoid your impending debt.
Businessman: Enlighten me.
Stockbroker: Well, you can use regular gas. That is, if you must drive anyway. Parking in Manhattan’s a bitch; why do you want to put yourself through that kind of torture is beyond me.
Businessman: So you’re telling me that I should take the subway.
Stockbroker: Why not? It’s not all bad. And it’s cheaper.
Businessman: Next option.
Stockbroker: Store brand food.
Businessman: What?!
Stockbroker: The big businesses already have enough money. Furthermore, the store brand tastes the same–if not better.
Businessman: And I think that you’re full of shit. Next option.
Stockbroker: (sighs) You’re difficult. Thrift shop clothing. They’re not bad looking.
Businessman: You’re ridiculous.
Stockbroker: Well…you’re right, I am. Oh well, figure it out yourself. But if all else fails, you can drop your wife.
Businessman: Excuse me?
Stockbroker: You can drop your wife. She’s a shopping fiend, right?
Businessman: Yeah, but–
Stockbroker: What do you think will happen when your money runs out?
Businessman: Um…
Stockbroker: Now, I ain’t sayin’ she’s a golddigger…
Businessman: Um…
Stockbroker: But she ain’t messing with no broke–
Businessman: All right, I get what you’re saying!

A few weeks later, the businessman and his wife got into a huge argument. They ended up making back up, and they stayed together for another 3 months. He was left penniless, and his wife ends up divorcing him and marrying the stockbroker’s brother. However, that union was short-lived, for the stockbroker knew what her intentions were and hired a couple of people to see her off on a nice trip…she hasn’t been back since.