Crestfallen.nu

Another impromptu shorty.

It’s kind of hard to not feel sorry for this man, but there’s also the evil part of me that says “GOOD FOR HIM!”

One day a man and his wife went to Home Depot to buy hardwood flooring, carpeting, and kitchen faucets. The wife was looking at the kitchen faucets, and called her husband over.

“Mike!” He doesn’t answer.

“Mike!” He doesn’t answer.

“Screwball!” He doesn’t answer.

Alarmed, she walks over to him and smacks him over the head. “Hello! Didn’t you hear me call you?!”

Completely ignoring her, she looks up to see what is severely diverting his attention away from her. She sees her–a busty blonde woman with a “ghetto booty”. She looked up and down at the woman, then up and down at herself, and established that she isn’t the woman that her husband married 10 years ago. But that’s no excuse. So she smacks him over the head again. “Hello!”

“What?!”
“Why are you looking at her? You have me! I wanted you to look at something for me!”
“What? Overpriced kitchen faucets? I’ve seen it, Sarah. I don’t care to see it again.”
“No, you’ve been looking at that hussy over there!”
“You’re not funny! Why are you making a big scene here?”
“Because I want you to look at something, and you’re looking at another woman!”
“You know what? Fine!”

He takes a look at the kitchen faucet for two seconds, then turns back to Sarah. “There! You happy?! Now I’m going to the car! See you then!”

As he’s making his triumphant egress¹, Mike turns around and looks at the woman again. He slips on a rake, which slaps him smack in the nose. Surprised, he steps back on some staple guns, and one goes off, and a staple flies in his butt. In a lot of pain now, he limps to the front of Home Depot and tries to go outside, but the security detector goes off, and the security guards beat him up to get the staple out of his butt. Mike then crawls to his car, but not before tripping over a flower pot, and getting his foot stuck in another filled with soil.

The moral of the story: watch where you’re going–not who you’re going.

¹ egress: a fancy way of saying “exit”. Why didn’t I just say that? Because the word “egress” is being used sarcastically.